We often expect ourselves to be everything, everywhere, all at once for everyone, yet such high expectations can lead to being mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually out of balance. In the constant race to achieve more and be more, stress, anxiety, depression, and a host of physical issues often set in. From headaches and stomach issues to sleepless nights and chronic exhaustion, the price we pay for a lack of healthy balance is exceedingly high. Our relationships with others suffer when we do not tend to the self with loving care. Can meditation, gratitude, and tuning into the self create the healing our bodies, minds, and spirits so desperately need?

Join Dr. Carla Manly and wellness expert John Jaarsveld to discover the art of creating internal and external balance through mindful self-attunement and self-care. Embracing a body-mind-spirit approach to overall health, John illuminates small, actionable steps we can all take to become more in sync with what works best for us. As a wellness advocate and acupuncturist based in the Netherlands, John brings decades of experience, wisdom, and joy to this extraordinary episode. As John wisely notes, “We make a lot of small choices that lead us in the wrong direction. We can train ourselves to listen to the inner compass by starting with the small things.”

 

These are essential reads on acupuncture and health:

• Kiiko Matsumoto’s Clinical Strategies books and additional publications
• Dance to the Tune of Life: Biological Relativity
• The Spark in the Machine: How the Science of Acupuncture Explains the Mysteries of Western Medicine

 

Books by Dr. Carla Manly:

Date Smart: Transform Your Relationships and Love Fearlessly

Joy From Fear: Create the Life of Your Dreams by Making Fear Your Friend 

Aging Joyfully: A Woman’s Guide to Optimal Health, Relationships, and Fulfillment for Her 50s and Beyond

The Joy of Imperfect Love: The Art of Creating Healthy, Securely Attached Relationships

 

Connect with Dr. Carla Manly:

Website: https://www.drcarlamanly.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drcarlamanly

Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/drcarlamanly

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drcarlamanly

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/carla-marie-manly-8682362b

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@dr.carlamariemanly8543

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@dr_carla_manly

 

Connect with John Jaarsveld:

Website: http://itchi-go.nl

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/acupuncture_john_jaarsveld

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/john.jaarsveld

LinkedIn: https://nl.linkedin.com/in/john-jaarsveld-acupuncture

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Watch the episode here

 

Listen to the podcast here

 

Confused and Out of Balance? Discover Top Healing Secrets with Wellness Advocate and Acupuncture Expert John Jaarsveld

The Mindful Art of Making Choices That Bring Joy and Balance to Your Life!

Introduction

We often expect ourselves to be everything everywhere, all at once for everyone. Yet such high expectations can lead to being mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually out of balance in the constant race to achieve more and be more stress, anxiety, depression, and a host of physical issues often set in from headaches and stomach issues to sleepless nights and chronic exhaustion. The price we pay for a lack of healthy balance is exceedingly high. Can meditation, gratitude, and tuning into the self create the healing our bodies, minds, and spirits desperately need? In this episode, we’ll focus on this audience’s real-life question.

“My life is a wreck. I’m not sleeping well and my diet sucks. I went through a bad breakup that left me physically and mentally shattered. My ex complained that I worked too much and never had enough time for him. I’m a high achiever and I know I don’t have a good work-life balance. Can you point me in the right direction?”

That question is the focus of this episode. I’m joined by a very special guest, John Jaarsveld, who will be sharing his expertise on fostering overall health by restoring internal and external balance through acupuncture, moxibustion and tuning in to the unique self. He will be sharing his expertise on fostering overall health by restoring internal and external balance through acupuncture and moxibustion. First, John, I want to welcome you to the show. Thank you so much for taking your time.

Thank you very much for having me. It’s a pleasure.

Before we get started, can you tell our readers a little bit about what makes you?

 

 

I’m a person who is always looking to get out of whatever I do to get out of the most. I can honestly say that all the things I’ve done in my life to the fullest. Like the title of your show, I’m not a perfect human being. It’s not like I didn’t make any mistakes. I did try my best and I went for things. I think that’s one thing that makes me me.

Welcome to the club of being imperfect. I’m a regular guest in that club. I’m not a guest. I live in imperfection, but that’s okay. It’s 12:30 California time as we’re talking and you’re joining me from a very different part of the world and it’s 9:30 your time. Where are you living? Where’s life?

In Europe, in the Netherlands, in a city called The Hague. It’s a beautiful city. We have lots of parks. I don’t know in the United States, but in Europe, we’re famous for even having the International Court of Justice, Court of Arbitrage and the peace palaces.

If I recall correctly, The Hague is the defacto capital of the Netherlands. Is that right?

Almost. It’s where the government is, but the capital would be Amsterdam.

That’s why I think we call it the de facto capital, and then the Court of International Justice is there.

If two countries are in conflict, they can go to the court and try to resolve the issues politically without war.

It’s such a beautiful and tidy city. It’s very clean.

It’s a great place to live. It’s wonderful. It’s next to the sea as well, which is great.

John’s Personal Experiences

I’m a sea lover. That’s a bonus on top of all of the other bonuses. A question for you before we launch into the topic. You had mentioned many, maybe hiccups in life, all of these things that you followed. What is one of the favorite things you followed that might have had a hiccup that you might share?

It may be inspiring to the readers. I started out as a young person studying Chemistry. I was especially interested in Biochemistry. I wanted to work for a space agency like ISA, similar to NASA. I saw myself working back in the ‘90s in some colony on Mars or a project like that. About halfway through my Chemistry studies, I realized that life was not for me.

My life as a biochemist involves very meticulous procedures following, working with very harsh chemicals. I remember very clearly hitchhiking in the South of Europe. I was a great hitchhiker at the time, talking to the person in the car and saying, “Maybe I need to break in my studies. Maybe 6 months or 1 year. I’ll do something else.” The person said, “Why don’t you try over there? There are many jobs over there.”

We were driving next to some petrochemical installation, lots of bright lights late at night. I went on a whole rant saying, “It’s not for me. I want to work with people. I want to do something with nature, stimulating things and working with beauty, not in these dirty petrochemical installations.” I finished the ten-minute round or whatever it took. there was a silence and I realized, “I need to do something completely different.” At the time, it was a big decision because I had invested a lot in studying there, and I had to move to study chemistry. I took the leap and said, “I do something as far as possible from what I used to be doing. What is this as far from this whole chemical study?”

I’ll pick up meditation, Qigong, I’ll start to do martial arts, and all of that. I went to Buddhist retreats and for five years, I started hard. I read a lot of books and I did a lot of courses. I learned about shiatsu, etc. Originally, I had hoped to come out somewhere in the middle, but turned out to be the path I was on. It wasn’t planned beforehand, but it was a moment of crisis. Looking back, I’m very happy that I embraced it. It got me places where that I could not have imagined before.

How old were you when that journey started?

I must have been 21 or something like that, maybe 22.

You were lucky that early in life, you realized what didn’t work for you and you took your own path.

I have done that more than once in my life, but I was lucky to have this experience, for sure.

That’s beautiful because it’s the reason I wrote my first book, Joy From Fear, because we often get stuck, not in your case, but in my case in many of my clients get stuck in doing things that we think are the right path, the expected path, the engineer, the doctor, the lawyer, the whatever it is and then we would up if we’re lucky, sooner rather than much later and say, “This isn’t right for me. This is where I want to go and this is where my best self is calling me to be.”

It’s absolutely true, and I see it. A lot of my patients told me stories like you said, often they’re much later in life, and the 40s seem to be a point where people get confronted or with this question or find out they cannot live the life they have been living for let’s say, 20 years or maybe even longer. It’s true. On the one hand, I’m lucky that I encountered this process very early on, but on the other hand, it has not always been easy. I think that’s a big price. We must be as willing to pay. It’s easy to say from the outside, “This person should be doing this.” As a therapist, I won’t say always, but I never say, “You should do this,” because who am I from the outside to tell somebody else how they should change their lives?

To me, it may be very obvious that they need to change their job, change their relationship, take that leap or go travel, whatever. If you’re in there, it can be a huge thing. I’m of the gentle persuasion. I believe we should go soft rather than push ourselves. If life pushes us and it happens, sometimes we have experiences that we cannot deny where we must and we don’t have a choice. Maybe our partner leaves us, you get an illness or something big, or you get fired from a job. This is often a more rude awakening because external circumstances force us to face something. Even then, I think the gentler approach to feeling more and being more attuned to this stream of life is the path to happiness.

It doesn’t mean we should be complacent. It doesn’t mean we should not stand up for ourselves and say, “I’ll go and do whatever.” I think the beginning should be with a smile and love for ourselves because often what we get into is a habit.” This habit of not feeling or of not listening to ourselves is what usually gets us into all this trouble. People who find themselves later in life in a situation where they’re not happy, usually have a pattern of making a lot of small choices where they agree with whatever the situation is. Usually, it’s not one big choice. It’s a lot of small choices. This is hard to break because unless we’re forced, there’s this habit of not loving ourselves and not listening, which is a long one, and this is where we should start. I think.

 

 

Thank you so much. You offered quite a lot that I could dive into from many different directions. I think it’s a beautiful start for this episode. Even before we get to the audience’s question, I was thinking that as you were talking about it, you see many people in their 40s, which is the proverbial midlife crisis. It’s that time when people wake up and see that they may have already lived half their life if they’re lucky enough to live into their 80s, if they’re in their 40s.

Some people have that awakening earlier. Some people have it later. Some people try to fix it by buying a fancy car, a speedboat, a new purse or having an affair. Yet, there is no external fix to those awakenings. I see those awakenings as invitations from the soul to say to us, “Wake up. Listen. Dive in. Find out what’s right for you.”

As you also say, you are a clinician in a different field than I am, yet we both work with the body, mind, and spirit. I 100% agree with you that it is never the clinician’s job to say, “You should do this,” because that’s authoritarian instead of the person we’re working with. I often look at myself as a person who holds a lantern.

As you say, we might see that it’s smarter to leave a relationship or a job or to do this or do that, but for us to say to somebody, “You should do this,” or take away their opportunity to learn and explore the possibilities and to find that answer themselves. I look at myself often as being a person who holds a lantern. I’m a person who holds a lantern along the way for other people who help them find the breadcrumbs.

Finding Balance And Healing

I’m no omniscient being. You and I are in accord on that and many other things. There are many audience questions I could have matched you up to, now that I think about it. Let’s look at this audience member’s question saying it happens to be a female and she says that she is shattered, her diet’s a mess. She’s not sleeping well. She’s lost a relationship that was clearly important to her. She works too much. She’s out of whack.

What would you say to someone who, especially because you come from this beautiful approach of looking at healing the body, mind, spirit, using nature, using meditation, all things I completely believe in, you’re also an acupuncturist who has a wealth of experience and knowledge behind you. I’m a fan of acupuncture. I’d like to get back into going, but I haven’t for quite some time. It’s Eastern medicine. We’ve become such fans of Western medicine that we’ve forgotten the huge benefits, the ancient benefits of Eastern medicine. Lead us down this path.

The question has many aspects. The central thing I’m getting out of it is confusion. That’s the main message I’m getting. I can’t give clinical advice to this person I’ve never seen and never diagnosed. I’m sure that’s clear. This would be many avenues that are that one can offer. Some people would say, “Let’s start with a diet, which is a valid approach.” Other people might say to go for a walk in the countryside, which is a valid approach. Some people would say do some inner work, maybe meditation or psychotherapy, which is a valid approach.

Hearing the question, it sounds like she’s at a loss where to start and all those roles and that small acupuncture might be a valid approach as well. The main theme I’m getting is confusion. This is a difficult stage to be in because the person who’s confused wants the answer. They want to know, “How do I get better? How do I get out of it?”

If the person is open to it, there are no pressing issues like big financial problems or anything that needs to be addressed right now. I would invite this person to start by accepting the confusion, accepting the not knowing. As a person, I understand it can be hard because your thoughts can drive you crazy. This person mentioned he’s a high achiever person. She’s probably accustomed to having goals and going there and knowing the path, certain steps, how to do it and planning this all. There’s nothing wrong with this, but she’s at a point where it doesn’t work. It doesn’t seem to work. My first suggestion is to not try to do the same patterns that are in this situation but try to change it.

 

 

It’s easier said than done because this person would often make a treatment plan with this therapist and that therapy. In 3 or 6 months, she’ll be there. She can do that. I hope it will help her. My strong suspicion would be that even if she got out of this particular situation, she would get into a similar situation later because she didn’t reflect on her life in her part about what happened. I’m not saying to blame her, not at all. Even in very difficult circumstances, I’ve had patients who were in terrible circumstances and some of them amazed me in saying how much they could accept their own part in what had happened to the point that I was amazed.

Somebody who treats you wrongly treats you wrongly. I’m not saying accept everything that comes your way. That’s not helpful. You need to set boundaries. You have a right to personal space and everything like that. Healing can start with compassion for yourself and for whatever part got you there. This is where I would suggest the audience start, and I fully realize it’s difficult. It would be much easier if I would say, “You go to acupuncture and have this poor needle. Get your diet in order,” but very quickly, if I say that, which I don’t want to just roll, it becomes a blame game, “Your bad diet. Bad goal.” No, there’s a reason. If you’re in a very stressful situation, it’s hard to get a good diet.

Healing can start with compassion for yourself and for whatever part got you there. Share on X

In whatever circumstance, she probably didn’t mention everything, may be hard to do it on a regular basis. Part of this is to accept what has happened and work from there radically. Start by accepting your confusion and not knowing and try to instill this whiteness. It’s more Buddhist than Chinese medicines. I’m not saying I’m a Buddhist, but I think it is a lovely analogy that if you have a glass of muddy water, you can’t see through, obviously. It’s muddy.

If you manage to let it stay still for a while, the mud sinks to the bottom of the glass, and you can look through it clearly. In situations like this, this is what I would try her to do and the ways to do it; it’s a little bit up to her to decide what is possible. For some people, walking in nature can help clear their minds and get this clearance for other people. Religious services can help. There are many things but the confusion is central.

Thank you, John, for picking up on that. I agree with you. It’s almost as if there’s a confusion that’s leading to a bit of internal shock like, “Oh, no.” It takes me to a piece that we were talking about before where whether it’s midlife. I don’t know the individual’s age, or some other point in life where we get this opportunity to wake up where there’s this some life events or events that happen and we pause and we go, “I’m crumbling. I don’t want to do this anymore. I can’t do this anymore. I keep waking up to the same situation again and again.” I almost want to make a T-shirt with one of your quotes. I love this because it’s beautiful and you said I hope I got it well enough, “Don’t do the same patterns that got you into the situation.”

I’m going to find a way to pare that down and make a T-shirt because it’s true. It’s what we all do at our worst, particularly when we are confused, and we follow the same patterns that got us into the situation. We wonder why we’re dating the same person again and again. It’s a different human being, but it has the same personality type.

We wonder why we get into that bad job over and over again. We wonder why I was working with clients this week, and the themes seem to be family dynamics that are surfacing again and again. No one likes that. It’s painful. It hurts. It’s keeping us stuck. It doesn’t feel good. I’ve been there in my life. I know how awful it is, yet we keep using the same patterns and expecting different results. I love the beautiful image of mud that you gave.

I work a lot with the idea of being in the mud and being stuck. We can sit in the mud and complain about it all the time and try to get out of it, but we’re getting pulled back, especially if it’s quick and standish. We’re being pulled strongly down, and we blame ourselves. We blame other people. We blame ourselves for not being perfect or good enough or the people around us.

In many cases, it’s these hardwired patterns that we learned early in life. We didn’t choose them. They were generally modeled for us by caregivers. Not never blame, never shame. I’m like you. There’s no use in blame or shame. There’s a lot of use in noticing where the patterns came from so that if they’re healthy patterns, we can carry them forward, “Yes. Here we go.” if they’re unhealthy patterns, like, “No, I don’t want these.”

When you go back to the piece of the glass that’s muddy, who on this Earth has not been in a place where their glass has been muddy? We keep swirling it around, expecting to get clear and you are right. If we can cultivate that stillness that you’re talking about, that confusion, which is hard. We’re uncomfortable. Sometimes, we get comfortably uncomfortable. We’re used to swirling that glass around. It’s what we’re used to.

Please tell us when we’re in the cotton that swirls that mud and we may or may not know that it will settle out if we can pause. I’m a firm believer in using breath work, meditation and journaling. For me, it’s walking. Walking is my place where, after those first two miles, my thoughts start letting go and I’m not thinking at all. My psyche and my energy are doing its work.

Could you guide us from your vast experience? You have so much real-life knowledge and book knowledge. I try not to read or investigate my guests too much in advance because I like it to be fresh, but I did notice that you talk about learning from the masters. I also noticed you used a word, and I’ll put it in now so that we don’t forget about it, which I didn’t know. I’d experienced it, but I didn’t know the term for it, which was moxibustion. I’m excited to talk about moxibustion. Before we get to it, could you tell us a little bit about what you would advise through not only your eyes but the lens of the masters that you’ve studied diligently?

Before I do that, I want to add one more thing. This perpetuation of the confusion can also be a pattern we have in therapy. That’s the kind of person who caused the question should be also aware of that. It’s quite common for people to perpetuate their patterns in therapists. Maybe they go from one therapist to the other, always saying this therapist was not good enough or not skilled enough or didn’t get to the bottom of things without realizing it’s them projecting it on the therapist. Other things are possible too, like a therapeutic relationship can be very long but not fruitful. There’s no easy answer to it, but I think it also starts with feeling and soft and seeing whatever therapy you do or methods you do, “Is this good for me? Is this healing for me?”

If not so, try to change it. Maybe meditation is not for you. I’m a strong believer, a little bit more concrete, many people come to me and they want to move more. They say, “I should do more sports or walking, but I hate it.” I often say, “What about the sea? Do you like to see it?” We’re very close to the sea. I say, “I love the sea.” “What about you don’t force yourself to do sports, but you treat yourself to a long walk over the beach? Have 2 or 3 times a week for 1 or 2 hours.” They go, “I would love that.” “You’re moving. You could ride your bicycle to the dunes,” or some people would say, “I love arts.” I say, “What about you taking little booklets and finding different historical places and committing to walking from one historical place to the other? How would that feel?”

If traditional methods like meditation or exercise don’t resonate with you, find alternatives that bring you joy and healing. Share on X

They go, “You can see my art,” but that’s not a job. That’s fun.” Coming from the softness, from nourishing the joy while doing something that is healing, I think that’s the way to go. I always try to find that angle or maybe you need to be more in the forest and you pick up birdwatching as a hobby. Why not? Second, you mentioned the master I studied with.

The greatest master I studied with is called Kiiko Matsumoto. She’s still alive. She’s not that old. She lives in Massachusetts, United States. She’s a treasure house of knowledge especially about acupuncture amongst Sebastian. I’m honored to have studied many hours with her. Every time she comes to Europe, I’ll assist her and I try now to continue her lineage of all the great things she’s done.

I’ve studied with a few other people, but she is my biggest inspiration. Next to that are the classical books of Chinese medicine, especially what we call the Huang Di Nei Jing, which is a book that’s over 2000 years old and has many pearls of wisdom. It’s not an easy book to read, being a classical Chinese, but it has practical knowledge in it. It’s not just a text that’s out there that we don’t use. Kiiko Matsumoto takes its passage, interprets it, and shows how it can be applied in the clinic. This is the main reason I’ve always been following.

What are 1 or 2 of the key things you’ve learned from Kiiko?

The key thing I learned from Kiiko is, as a therapist, to always look at the situation at the patient with fresh eyes. It’s such a big pitfall as a therapist or a doctor or anybody working with patients to say, “It’s always this. I already know what’s coming on.” I think that’s one of the things that’s wrong. It’s plainly wrong. I’ve thought if it’s other great people as well and all of them have said. It doesn’t matter, medical doctor or therapist, you diagnose everybody or 80% with the same problem, you’re diagnosing yourself, you are treating yourself.

If you would say to every single person coming to you, “You need meditation,” you should consider, “Am I telling that to myself?”If meditation is your specialty, that’s fine and people, but then people come to you to, for example, a meditation and then you say, “In your case, this type of meditation, this approach.” Everybody becomes different because everybody is different. Everybody with depression or psychological problems, even if they have a similar history or, of course, it can be categories of things, that’s fine.

Everybody becomes different because everybody is different. Share on X

It’s every time you need to think, “This is a little bit different.” We need to go from this approach or come from this approach. What I’ve seen for the Western mind, is very hard to comprehend. We like, “If it’s this then I want that.” Western medicine for all its great achievements, has also pushed in that direction, “if you have a very precise diagnosis, my case, it’s this type of depression, then this antidepressant works best.

In my case, it’s adrenal fatigue. I need this supplement or it’s hormonal related maybe to my thyroid. I need this and this.” As therapists, we need to have an open mind and look at everything fresh. It’s hard because it takes constant diligence from the therapist. We need to keep educating ourselves and also keep on working on ourselves. Prevents getting this doing everything the same because that’s exactly what money prevents our patients from doing.

I think it’s a brilliant pearl of wisdom and I agree with you about Western medicine, whether it’s mental health or physical health, that when we don’t pause to see the individual, then we see not only the diagnosis, which sometimes is necessary, but a diagnosis that may or may not fit that individual, then a diagnosis that pigeonholes that individual. I see the benefit of having a working diagnosis once you’ve seen the individual, but you must see the individual first.

I know as a clinician, that’s why I started as a yoga therapist, but then I grew, I learned CBT, I learned DBTI, became certified in EMDR, in family systems in all of these different areas, yoga and meditation. Why? The more I grow and the more I expand my framework, the more I am able to see, “This is what works for this client. This might match well with them. Maybe this.”

That’s my flexibility, open eyes and expanded education that allows me not to pigeonhole someone, which we might be tempted to do because if we get into this field, whether it’s mental health or physical health, we want to heal, we want to help. I remember there’s a sad story. I was covered with a rash and I finally got in to see the doctor and the doctor left the room after being eight feet from me, came back in with purple gloves on and said, “You have scabies.” I said, “I don’t think I’ve been anywhere where I would get scabies. This doesn’t make sense.” I had to buy all of these prescriptions. She never touched me, never got close to me, washed sheets and all of these things and do all this.

The rash got worse and worse and moved my back and it was terrible. A couple of $100 later on prescriptions, which I don’t like putting medicine on my body like that. I went back, went to the weekend and the nurse practitioner, not an MD, older woman, walks in and she goes, “You have a raging case of poison oak.” Here, the doctor who diagnosed me who was standing in from my doctor, her country of origin, and scabies was very commonplace.

It was not America. She got her degree elsewhere. From her paradigm, that very myopic focus, it was scabies. Not only did I subject myself to medication I didn’t need, but it worsened. All of us may have been in similar situations, whether it’s psychological distress or physical distress, where somebody pigeonholed us.

For our audience, this individual may be writing in and if they went to see a doctor, the doctor might say, “You’re suffering from depression. You’re suffering from anxiety. Take this medication. Get $20 worth of pills and be out the door,” because they’re seeing it as you say, through the lens of what might be going on for them or what they’ve seen and diagnosed commonly maybe erroneously, but commonly. I love Kiiko’s perspective on seeing with fresh eyes. I think we can take that anywhere in our lives. Now I have another T-shirt you’ve made me. I’ve never had an episode where I created T-shirts, and I have another T-shirt. This one says, “See with fresh eyes.” I’m sorry I got off on a tangent there. Please, what is maybe another piece from Kiiko because that’s beautiful?

This is more what I got after studying with her for fifteen years. It’s not saying not something she taught directly, but after fifteen years, I think I’ve been able to get something out of her teachings that is not explicitly taught but more implicitly. Let me put it correctly, we always trust the intelligence of the body. This may seem obvious,  but one of the big tenets in Western culture is that we don’t often see the body as a machine or a car.

During its lifespan, some parts may get rusty or damaged; they need some fixing, and some parts may fall off. In the end, we fail, and we die. That’s generally the image we have. It’s a very sad image because you can’t do anything about it. You have osteoarthritis, for example, but also psychologically, like, your certain age and you have certain hormonal issues going on, deal with it.

You’re a certain age, you should forget about being creative or being an artist, for example. I think there’s another image we can use. I always mean the body-mind because we make no distinction between the body and the mind are very tightly together. If we see ourselves as a garden we can tend to, it’s a very positive image. We can work on it for sure, like all the things we already mentioned, getting fresh air, good sunlight, good food, and healthy relationships will nourish our garden.
 There are no guarantees. Sometimes a garden is in a shaded place and we’ll need to deal with it. It’ll never be as lustrous as a garden that’s full sunlight. Doesn’t matter. You can still make something beautiful with it within the constraints that are given.

 

 

The opposite is true as well. Maybe you have a beautiful garden at a great place, but maybe many people see it and may envy you. It may not only be, but you may also feel compelled to make it great. Did you want to spend all that time on it? You feel some pressure to do it. There’s no judgment. Some gardens are more advantageous situated than others. We can always work on it. To work on a garden, there’s no guarantee, but think of it positively, how much can we improve and how much can we make the flowers grow rather than lament like, “I wish this tree would grow, but it’s dying. There are brown spots.” This positive view for me is very important.

I appreciate what you are saying when you’re talking about the garden I love images of gardens, metaphors of lush gardens and gardens that are declining because we go through stages and each stage is necessary, especially nowadays where we want everyone to be happy all the time. We want the garden with sunflowers and strawberries all of the time, not realizing that there is truly a season to get those sunflowers and strawberries.

In my case, I have raspberries right now and I’m excited, but I know they won’t be there very long and there’s no use lamenting that or trying to force them to grow in our Northern California winter, which gets very cold. They won’t grow. If we appreciate that and know that that will come again, maybe plant something that will do well in the winter or be okay with no plantings and let the soil rest.

I love that because you are talking about trust, the intelligence of the body, trust the wisdom of the body, which takes us straight to trust the wisdom of nature because we are nature. I love that you’re talking about the connection between the body, mind, and spirit, and I think it’s joy from fear. I talk about the Cartesian split. I talk about the split that occurred in the body and mind when Descartes said they were separate and people believed that, and then the body was treated like a machine, whereas prior to that body, mind and spirit were always seen as one because we truly are one. We can’t have a truly healthy physical body if the mind is completely in disarray and because then it causes anxiety and depression that make the body fail and create lots of inflammation. You’re the professional here.

 

 

Takeaways

I love how you are saying. Let me see if I’m piecing this together right for the audience’s question. She is fractured. She’s in a state of chaos. She’s wisely bringing to us this piece that says basically that she’s a workaholic and a high achiever. It sounds as if her body, mind and spirit are saying, “I’m a wreck. I need to stop.” Your first thing is telling her, “Pause. It’s okay to be confused. Be with the confusion. Let that mud in the glass settle.

Experiment in the garden of your life to let go of things that need to be let go. Maybe it’s time for some fruit or decaying fruit to fall away. Allow yourself rest. Soil always does need its rest. It needs to be replenished. Maybe for you, that is the walk by the sea. Maybe it’s sitting on a rock somewhere. Maybe it’s lying under a tree. Maybe it’s cuddling up with yourself on your couch, who knows with your dog, who knows whatever it is.”

You’re saying, “Take the time to find out what works for you. Don’t judge anything in your past. Maybe look for some signs of patterns you don’t want to repeat because we all repeat patterns. We want to notice the patterns that are holding us back and let go of them.” You’re also saying, “Listen to your body. Your body wants you to be healthy. Our bodies very much want us to be healthy. They are home while we’re here on this Earth. They are the one and only home we will get on this Earth.”

You are saying that the body listens to the intelligence of your body. I have a question for you. I see her on this treadmill for some reason, like this treadmill of life going. She is not used to listening to her body. Sounds like she’s not listening to stopping to get off the treadmill for whatever the underlying psychological reasons are. She may choose to look at that. She may not. What would you suggest as maybe the top 2 or 3 things she could do to get off the treadmill or maybe she’s off the treadmill right now and is frozen and doesn’t know what to do next? What might you suggest?

For me, the compass of where to go, where to find what we need, because there can be different circumstances for her that we don’t know. As a compass, what I found and what I’ve been taught is that a couple of things that we can feel in our hearts and bodies can tell us if we are on a track towards healing. Healing, as far as I have found, always involves feeling more light, like sunlight. If we are on a path that makes us feel more free, which can be more feeling and more physical space around us, that’s always towards something better, more healing. If we feel closer to nature, whatever that means, that’s a positive path and relaxation. Anything that triggers that in us is worth investigating.

 

 

If we investigate, we still may find out it’s not for us, but if we close our eyes and we visualize a place where we feel safe and nurtured and well, I know people who’ve done this all over the world and when you ask people to describe this place, it’s almost always people describe lights, maybe a place in a forest or on a beach.

The space again and all these characteristics because that’s what healing or occurs and the opposites of that would be maybe a dark cave with spiders or something like this. I have found that this image can help to orient somebody. I sometimes use it when I’m considering certain things like, “How does it make me feel? When I consider this, do I feel heavy? Do I feel like my chest is heightening? Do I feel like the light seems a little bit dimmer or when I consider this other possibility?”

Immediately, it’s almost like the sun more bright. Everything smells better. I believe this is an inner compass in our body that we can train, we can get more attuned to it. This is why it’s important to start with smaller things because there can be too much emotional baggage, but we can do it even with smaller things like, “What should I eat? Should I eat this or that?” We can consider and you know like, “This makes me feel good.” Once we train this in ourselves, we will find like, “It’s more easy also for the bigger choices to get attuned to it.” If she’s able to do that, to focus again back on how she feels and maybe lay down some options and, “How does it make me feel?”

Take this seriously. Don’t go in your head, “I should. If I do this, then something terrible may happen.” We shouldn’t include things that are not good choices, but of many of the things we consider, we’re afraid of the choice because of what other people will think of us or, “If I do this, maybe I’ll look silly.” You can’t take this into account because some people don’t care if other people think they’re silly. For some people, this is a big struggle. This inner compass can train and it’s important even for clinicians. I believe it’s an important skill to hone because many clinical decisions are not so clear. I strongly believe you should not be in one train of thought and always do the same.

In my case, “This person has some mental issues. I always need all these points or democracy question here.” No, always investigate. One of the things how to find out apart from obviously training, knowledge and selling the books is I take this as a given. How I make the decision in this case is to feel in my body as a therapist, like, “I’m guided here. When I work here I feel my chest opening up.” That means it’s something that is healing for this person on the table.

Thank you so much. I’m going to summarize that. We don’t have much time left. This is fascinating. I want to move a bit to acupuncture and moxibustion, but I want to sum this piece up that our reader and the person who wrote in with the question of the day, what I’m hearing you say, as we tune into the body, which not everyone is familiar with, used to the body’s signals of fear and anxiety, our chest tightening, our belly, getting queasy when we’re about to give a big speech, that sense in our chest when we get in an elevator that’s too cramped.

Those are all body signals that we’re all used to. It’s about flipping that to also be able to notice. I notice when I’m working with clients, I watch their breath, often when they get something that’s enlightening for them, they’ll take a deep breath and their body knew. Their body, mind and spirit in that moment went, “Yes, that’s right for me.” Something like that or like you’re talking about that lightness, that way of being that feels light, can be a physical lightness or a visual lightness.

For us to learn to tune into when our body is responding in a way that feels opening, freeing and when it’s responding in a way that’s closing us down in a dark or protective way, notice that. For our readers, I can see them starting to experiment and not worry about what others are thinking as you’re saying. Go to the grocery store when you’re not hungry because when we’re hungry, we tend to buy things that might not be good for you. Go to the grocery store, the farmer’s market and see what’s there that your body is calling for and not what your mind is calling for, which might be the cupcakes and the donuts.

Returning To Childhood

I was at the farmer’s market this morning and I bought the most beautiful berries, white raspberries, red raspberries, blueberries and a bundle of amrith to grill. There were cookies there, but I wasn’t interested. We’ll all have our different interests, but we need to listen to what our bodies want. When it comes to the food, try to train your body, not shame your body. There are going to be times when you want cookies, and you want to shame yourself for that. If your body wants a cookie, not your mind, but if your body, there’s probably something in that cookie that your body needs. I love this piece when we are learning to listen to the body; sometimes, we need to go back to childhood to remember what we liked as children.

Did we like to color? Did we like to do somersaults? Did we like to finger paint? Did we like to play croquet or badminton? Sometimes, we can get started by going backwards to activities that our bodies loved as children, which is another piece. Sometimes the body responds well to play. I’m not the best at playing because I get serious.

I look for opportunities to be playful, and my dog helps me with that. My husband helps me with that too because he’s very good at playing and I’m not. Learning to play and be around people who are good at playing if you’re not good at playing. The other piece that I think about is any form of creativity, baking, painting, playing music, anything that feels creative, world’s your oyster, whatever’s creative for you can crocheting, knitting, writing.

The last piece I wrote down, because it’s a big thing for me, is music. Music can be healing. It doesn’t have to be music that matters to anybody else, whatever music because I think all of those and rhythm helps us get into the body because it sounds like our audience into her mind all of the time in her mind. Doing all of these things helps her get back into her body to feel her body. What do you think about playing with some of those pieces?

I agree with you. The only add-on I would make is to keep it light. Don’t make the mistake like, “I’m going to do a course and painting or a baking workshop, otherwise, I’m not good enough. I’m going to make a plan that three times a week and now I’m going to play.” No, because then we’re even using these very healing very positive things to keep us in the old pattern.

You’re right. Thank you for pointing that out. You made me think of it. I went to a watercolor class and my recovering perfectionist came out. I was like, “That person’s doing so much better.” I’m like, “Stop it. This gets to be imperfect.” The minute I started playing with it and making a mess, I ended up throwing away one that was quite a mess. The more I played, that’s where the joy comes from. Joy comes when we play, allow ourselves to be fresh and see the world with new eyes, be curious and not worry about it being perfect.

Acupuncture and Moxibustion

I love how you said that for our audience because she likely is quite perfectionistic in many ways. Before we wind up, I wanted to cover so much more ground with you because I talked about mos, and I’ve done acupuncture and found great healing in it in the past. Could you spend a few minutes talking about acupuncture? We could do an entire episode on it and the buzzword of moxibustion because it’s such a fun word and I’d love you to explain it to people.

I’ll start with the moxibustion.It is the practice of applying some heat somewhere on the body. It’s a part of what we call Chinese medicine. Most people will know acupuncture from Chinese medicine, but words we translate as acupuncture, needle and heat because one of the beautiful things about Chinese medicine is that it has this long history of over 2,000 years and a huge area.

Many ideas, many schools of thought have been developed, and have been found appropriate for some time span and some places. You can imagine treating the emperor’s daughter would require a different skillset from treating the farmer, for example. Moxibustion is what’s mostly done here in the West is we use something that’s shaped like a cigar as a herb inside. We light it up and we keep it above the skin to heat up certain areas in the body.

This is the most common thing in my practice that’s a little bit too modern. It’s about 400 years old. My teacher tries to be a little bit more old school. We use techniques where we take a little bit of the same herb, but it’s extremely fine and we put it directly on the skin and we light it the size of a sesame seed of maybe small rice or corn, and it gets a little heat in impulse. It heats up the body. We’ve been talking so much about the body and the emotions that can get stuck.

Moxibustion can help tighten up where emotions are stuck. One way to understand this is that it’s the heat that comes to the skin. Moxibustion gives of light. One way to understand mian is by bringing light and warmth into those parts of the body that have been cold and contracted. That is too strong a word, but not alive, not fresh, not vibrant. In a physical sense, it helps increase blood flow and we believe a lot of the healing power and emotional healing power is in the blood itself. If we stimulate blood flow by moxibustion and by the heat and the lights, then many things can happen.

Now I want to save up to come to The Hague to get treated by you. Do you take people from America?

I can.

You’re a delight. Thank you for that. I could dive into that with you, but we are a bit over. Could you have anything else to share? I know you have much more to share with our readers. Any final notes?

I’ll share something for the readers which I can apply practically. Maybe I have two tips I have. Only use them if people resonate with them, if it makes them feel what we were talking before, more light, more vibrant. If not, try something else. The first thing you can concretely do for yourself is put your hands over your belly, your thumb basically over the navel. The palm of your hand is a little bit below the navel stay there for a while. You can stay there as long as you wish if you want, you can imagine golden lights flowing through your hands into the belly. I found that for many people who have too much in their heads, this helps to fill up the belly with energy and helps them get into the state that we’ve been talking about.

I’m doing it right now, thank you. I will work on that. Tip number two.

Tip number two for people who have anxiety or depression to come out of the head is to massage the toes, especially if these are the toes, to spread them apart, which you gently and massage in between the toes, circulated toes. This is an area that’s often not given enough attention by people working in offices and modern jobs and my teacher’s teacher said, “This is one thing people should do regularly if they’re suffering from either anxiety or depression.” You can do it and you can massage it yourself. Sometimes, I would apply maybe moxibustion needles, but that’s not the case for people at home. Massaging it can already give great relief.

Thank you so much for those last two tips. I love portable tips, things that we can do almost anytime, anywhere, sitting in an airport, if you’re frustrated, thumbs on your belly button, palms right below, you can do that. You’re in a traffic jam and you’re frustrated, as long as your car’s in park. You can do that on a train, on a bus. The rubbing of your toes is something you could treat yourself to every morning, every evening and get in the habit for many people who watch TV. Give yourself a little toe massage, as you said earlier.

I appreciated all of this for the audience member’s question of the day, but for all of this, all of us, that change doesn’t happen overnight. We want to be taking baby steps. We want to be kind to ourselves, and compassionate and realize that these lifelong patterns don’t change overnight. They don’t even change. We might not see the change in a month, but if we keep working at them, baby step at a time, there is a day and it will come 6 months or 1 year down the road when you turn and you go, “I did that differently. I stopped and played.”

Closing

You’ll catch yourself being a perfectionist, you’ll catch and you won’t judge yourself. You go, “That old me came into the room again,” and then we get to choose a different way of being. You are such a delight. I had much fun. I appreciate every moment of your time. Thank you for being with us. Where can our readers find you? You’re going to get a booking from all over the world now.

If people want to know a little bit more about me, this will be my website, which is Itchi-go.nl. They should feel free to drop me an email if they feel inclined. It’s no problem at all.

You are so kind. It has been such a pleasure and a privilege to be with you. Thank you so much.

Thank you.

To our readers, thank you so much for sharing your time and your energy with us.

 

Important Links

• John Jaarsveld
• Joy From Fear
• Huang Di Nei Jing
• LinkedIn.com/In/John-Jaarsveld-Acupuncture
• https://www.Facebook.com/John.Jaarsveld
• https://www.Instagram.com/Acupuncture_John_Jaarsveld
• https://www.Instagram.com/Acupuncture_John_Jaarsveld
• https://www.KiikoMatsumoto.com/Books-Resources.html
• https://www.Amazon.com/Dance-Tune-Life-Biological-Relativity/dp/1107176247
• https://www.Amazon.com/Spark-Machine-Acupuncture-Explains-Mysteries/dp/1848191960
• Website: https://www.DrCarlaManly.com
• Instagram: https://www.Instagram.com/DrCarlaManly
• Twitter: https://www.Twitter.com/DrCarlaManly
• Facebook: https://www.Facebook.com/DrCarlaManly
• LinkedIn: https://www.LinkedIn.com/In/Carla-Marie-Manly-8682362b
• Youtube: https://www.YouTube.com/@DrCarlaMariemanly8543
• TikTok: https://www.TikTok.com/@Dr_Carla_Manly

 

About John Jaarsveld

Based in the Netherlands, John Jaarsveld is a wellness advocate and acupuncturist with a wealth of experience and credentials including the following: Complete Pediatric Acupuncture Program; Oncology Acupuncture Expert (International Certificate); Sociocratic Training; Oriental Medicine (Research and Practice); Master’s Program (Middlesex University, London); Western Medical Basis (TCMA, Utrecht); Acupuncture study (Osaka, Japan); Acupuncture (TCMA, Utrecht); Acupuncture(Qing Bai, Amersfoort); Western Medical Basis (Qing Bai, Amersfoort); Shiatsu (Zen Shiatsu, Centrum, Amsterdam); Chinese nutrition (Qing Bai, Amersfoort); Shiatsu (Institute Nei Guan, Amsterdam); Chemistry (Leiden University).

In John’s words, “I love working with people. As a practitioner of traditional acupuncture, I’ve spend more than 1000 hours with Kiiko Matsumoto. After that, I’ve studied Neijing Nature-Based Medicine at the Xinglin Institute. I love teaching, learning and sharing knowledge, which I have been doing at home and abroad.”