Manifesting! This singular word is magical to some and cringe-worthy to others. Yet, when manifesting is mindfully embraced, it can become a powerful tool for everyone. When we think of manifesting, ideas of the supernatural might come to mind, but true manifesting simply involves harnessing the power of your own mindset, heart, and soul. As we learn to focus on what is truly best for our highest good, we open our hearts and our lives to amazing abundance. The art of manifesting only asks that we align our thoughts, emotions, mindset, energy, and actions toward the vision—the amazing outcome—we most desire. Join Dr. Carla and manifestation expert Jessica Lancaster for an inspiring journey into the heart and soul of what it takes to manifest your dreams.
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Manifest Incredible Abundance with Expert Jessica Lancaster
Bring Love and Fulfillment into Your Life with the Awesome Power of Manifestation
Manifesting is a singular word that is magical to some and cringe-worthy to others, yet when manifesting is mindfully embraced, it can become a powerful tool for everyone. When we think of manifesting, ideas of the supernatural might come to mind, but true manifesting simply involves harnessing the power of your own mindset, heart, and soul.
In this episode, we’ll focus on this reader’s real-life question, “I keep hearing about manifesting, but I can’t get good things to happen in my life no matter how hard I try. I tried manifesting a good-paying job and a healthy relationship, but I haven’t had any luck. How can I manifest what I really want?” That question is the focus of this episode. I’m joined by a very special guest, Jessica Lancaster, who will be sharing her expertise on the art of manifesting. Jessica is an actress, producer, writer, Instagram expert, and a manifestor. Welcome to the show, Jessica.
How are you?
I am fabulous and excited to have you join us because you have such a beautiful way of manifesting a great deal of kind and good energy in the world and bringing out the best in people. I’ve seen that firsthand. Before we dive into your power of manifesting, could you tell us a little bit about what makes you, you?
For me, the most important thing is to try to be authentic and not put on errors or pretend that something is good when it’s not and to be honest in every moment, whether that isn’t a scene when I’m acting or I’m with social media client. My core is to communicate and to try to be as honest as I can. Authenticity.
I love that, and it’s true. There is nothing artificial about you. That plays into manifesting, segwaying into that topic. What does manifesting mean to you? Let’s start off with that.
I shifted. I was excited to talk about this because for a long time, manifesting to me was that book of The Secret. It’s like, “Sit in the Porsche and you will get a Porsche. Write that $1 million check, and you will get $1 million.” That’s how you manifest. A lot of books say that and that might work for some people. For me, that was not working. I have a $1 million check somewhere in the house. It didn’t work that way. It wasn’t until I started to look within. As I got older, and I’m in my 40s, it is about what it is I want and focus on that, not what I think I’m supposed to have, like the Academy Award, the fancy huge house, or whatever that people think they’re supposed to be manifesting.
That’s when manifesting became real to me. I believe it is focusing on what makes you feel good. When you find what makes you feel good, go after that and keep rewarding that feeling. It can be very small. When you said in that intro that it can be toxic or it can make you feel superstition or whatever, it’s because people go super big first, but I think it’s a muscle. You start like you find a penny on the floor, and you pick it up and you’re like, “I’m a money magnet. Money finds me. That’s awesome,” put in your pocket, walk on, and forget about it.
This is what I did when I was waitressing. In any tip I got, I was like, “Money is finding me. This is awesome.” It is acknowledging it, moving on, and not expecting anything magical to happen. Acknowledging, “That made me feel good. I’m acknowledging it made me feel good,” and slowly, “I don’t think it’s magic. I don’t necessarily think it’s the universe. I think it’s where you’re focusing.” You’re going to start to see more of that coming, and then it gets bigger and bigger. That’s how I manifested a whole entire side hustle. I don’t like tables anymore. That’s what happened. For me, the crux of it is acknowledging the small little things.Manifesting is easier than you think! When you open your heart and soul to what you truly desire with mindful actions, you can create the life of your dreams! Join Dr. Carla and manifestation expert Jessica Lancaster for an inspiring podcast on the… Click To Tweet
I love how you bring it down to a beautiful foundation of notice where you’re putting your attention. Notice if something’s important to you, if you want those great relationships, if you want to have great friendships, and if you want healthy love relationship. No amount of sitting on a couch and saying, “Bring it to me, Universe,” is going to do that. What you then need to do is say, “This is what I wanted. This is what’s important to me.” Not what’s important to other people or society might tell you is important, that six-figure job, house on the hill, or whatever it is. If you take away all the noise and the shoulds, what will make you happy? What will bring you joy and fulfillment on this planet in your short time here? What will bring that to you? That’s what you are saying.
Full disclosure, I love Abraham Hicks. That’s shifted things for me. That is basically finding what brings you joy in doing that. It’s tricky. You have 9:00 to 5:00. Someone is going to be like, “I don’t want to go to work for 40 hours a week doing this job I hate. What are you saying? Quit the job and have no money and my kids don’t eat?” Don’t do that. It’s finding it when you can. When I was waiting tables, what brought me joy at that moment when I was doing that?
“This is a fun relationship. I like that person. That table has a funny kid.” Let’s focus on the kid, whatever it is, then the other stuff like doing the roll-ups or polishing silverware. I was thinking about things that made me happy as I was doing that. It’s practice. It’s a muscle. Everybody is different and has their own different challenges, but everyone can find in their day what is bringing them joy.Everybody is different and has their own different challenges, but everyone can find in their day what brings them joy. Click To Tweet
Everybody can do that, even if you are in a depression or it can be something small like looking out the window across the street. I have a neighbor who loves to garden when it’s hot. I don’t understand it, but it makes me laugh like, “Why are you out there at 1:00?” It makes me laugh and that’s their joy, and then I smile. It’s one little thing that made me happy. It keeps building and building. It’s like training for a marathon. You’re building the happy muscles.
I like to differentiate joy from happy because joy, to me, is this internal quality that we can always access. It lives in us. It might get dampened. It might get a little dark sometimes, but it’s always there. It’s one of our primary emotions. Whereas in happy, we sometimes think we have to be happy all the time. Joy knows that it’s okay not to be happy. Joy knows, “I’m here. I might be quiet now.” As you said, “Ding.” You look across the street. You see the neighbor in 105-degree weather and you go, “That makes me smile.” That brings an authentic sense of joy, finding a penny on the street, seeing a child laughing, getting a hug from your sweetheart.
Those are the moments of joy that we can all manifest if we put our focus on them, which is what you’re saying. Look at where you’re putting your focus. There’s so much here, but let’s take a pivot to the part where you were talking about the person who wants to quit their job. It might even apply to our reader’s question that, “I want a good-paying job.” Maybe they’re in a job where they have enough money to pay the rent or mortgage, put food in the fridge, and pay all those bills. What do they do? How can someone manifest a dream job when the reality of life is they need to be clocking into this place over here to keep shoes on their kids’ feet?
That is trying to be as authentic as I can. I have been in that position with paying bills. I don’t have children. I know that’s a different conversation because it’s a different set of responsibilities. For me, when you’re doing something that’s not bringing you joy, this job you hate, you start with your own worth, knowing and understanding that you are deserving of a job that brings you joy, abundance, and money, which is energy. You are deserving of this abundance of energy to come to you.
You’re deserving of an abundance of love and of all of that. In my personal thing, what I did is I started with a mantra, which was I’m a money magnet because I didn’t want to wait tables anymore. I’ve been an actor my whole life. There have been chunks of time when it has supported me, but I couldn’t manifest a series regular. I don’t know how to do that. I know I’m a good actor. I know I do the best of my auditions. I know I have an agent in a manager and I’ve been doing this for a very long time. I have to pay my bills, so I can’t just sit there and be like, “Where is my Academy Award, please?”
That’s going to make me less joyful because I’m going to be frustrated about hitting the wall of like, “I’m not good enough. This system of actors is nepotism. Why did that person get it and I didn’t? I’m better.” This turns into a real nasty cycle. What I did was I started to focus on, “I’m a money magnet.” Anytime money came to me, “I’m a money magnet.” A friend came to me and was like, “I know you need social media for independent film. I need a partner. Can I teach you and maybe we could work together?” I was like, “Sure, I can do that on the side as I’m waiting tables.” I did both for ten years.Live your dreams by embracing the power of manifesting! Discover how to use your thoughts, feelings, mindset, energy, and actions to create the love and abundance you desire! Join Dr. Carla and manifestation expert Jessica Lancaster for powerful look… Click To Tweet
It was like watching, “The money is coming here. It’s not coming here.” I found a lot of joy in doing social media for people as it was creative and I got to work with people. I got to see accounts grow or whatever. That made me happy and joyful. There is no blanket answer to how to get out of a job you hate, except it’s slow and you start to look at what’s out there. Be open to things you might not think are possibilities. It’s not going to be a takeover. It’s going to be bits. That’s what it was for me. It wasn’t like, “I manifested a whole other career.” It took me time. It took me ten years to shift out of that life. I will tell you this. I didn’t hate waiting tables. I found a way to not hate it.
I found a way to love it. I found joy in it. I found like, “I got in 15,000 steps today.” I found ways when I went to wait tables in my however old I was to find joy in that. That is something I think that you can find joy in almost any situation. I would start with that and then start to look at opportunities around you. Is there a friend doing something? This is what happened to me, “They love doing and they’re bringing in a lot of money. They’re making people happy and maybe I could do that.” Talk to that friend. Don’t think that friend’s going to say, “No, you’re too old to do X, Y, and Z. You don’t have the experience.” Start putting it out there and see what comes your way. It’s not going to be overnight. You’re not going to win the lottery.
You are bringing up such good points because people often think manifesting is magic that happens overnight, “I want it. Therefore, it will come,” when what you’re saying aligns with what I believe that if we look, when a door or a window closes, for the next door or window to open. Sometimes, it’s a very different window than we expected it to be or a different door if we slow it down and continue one step after the other.
One of the little phrases that I coined is, “Let me not get in the way of what the universe wants for me.” I also say that slightly differently, “May my will of wanting not to get in the way of what the universe wants for me.” The universe can be divine, God, or whatever you believe it to be. It can be destiny. If we let go of the shoulds and expectations and focus on, “How can I be my best self? How can I live my best life? What can I do?”
People are hard on themselves when they’re not doing what they have set up. They set their own thing up of what they’re supposed to be or where they wanted to be at 40, 50, or 30, or what kind of a mother they’re supposed to be, “I’m not supposed to get angry.” I see my friends go at that all the time. Honestly, goals can be dangerous sometimes because when you have something set up of what you “want,” then you shut the door to things that might come. You can’t allow other things to come. The goal should be what makes you and other people feel good.Goals can be dangerous sometimes because when you have something set up for what you “want,” you shut the door to things that might come. Click To Tweet
“I want to live a creative life,” is a better goal for me than, “I want to be a famous actor.” That was a huge shift and epiphany that I had. If there’s any artist out there reading this, it is very difficult, whatever your art may be, your creative outlet, or whatever. For me, I’m living a creative life. Whatever comes is going to be awesome. “I have an audition after this. Maybe that’ll be it or maybe it’s this.” It’s not that pressure or the weight of not getting it. The manifesting isn’t allowing. It’s not in pushing. Pointing an arrow is dangerous because if you miss, you’ve lost your arrow. Let that go. Don’t shoot anything. Allow it to come.
I love that you said that because it’s true. If you’re hyper-focused on, “I need the red door. My life will be happy if that red door opens,” and that’s your definition of happiness and success, you might miss the green or blue door, the window that opens and all of those different openings that life can bring to us for not being myopic. When we look at this reader’s question, “I want a good paying job. I want a healthy relationship.”
Maybe if we look at it through what you’re offering, staying with the good-paying job, it might be about this person slowing down and saying, “What is it about a good-paying job? Maybe if I put that aside and follow my passion? Maybe I need to keep this job over here to pay the bills and do that.” While doing that, be grateful for it, find little joy in it, and at the same time, begin to pivot to find, “What’s my passion? What brings me joy?” It may not happen overnight, but it will happen one baby step at a time.
I believe that it will happen. I believe there’s enough for everybody. I believe everybody can live a joyful life. I know you believe that too. It’s hard to get blanket advice without specifically knowing all the details, but I do think that if you’re in a job or relationship that is not bringing you joy, you’re not growing, and it’s not making you feel good, and obviously, there are challenges in every relationship and in every job, but generally speaking, they shouldn’t make you unhappy. I do think you do exactly what you said. You start to pivot.
You are going to start seeing other things once you let go of, “I hate this. This isn’t right.” You start to be coming from gratitude. I know people say that a lot, but it’s true. You’re going to start to see other things coming your way and then pick up that lead. Don’t ignore it. Maybe a friend is like, “You’re good at planning parties.” I have a friend who gets a lot of money planning parties because she helped a friend plan a party. Her friend is like, “You’re good at this. You should do this for a living.” She’s like, “No, I don’t have any training.”
Don’t say, “No, I don’t have any training.” Say, “I am good at planning parties.” Talk to the friend, “What do you think I could do? How do you think I could do this as a career?” “My friend is planning a wedding. Do you want to see if she wants to hire you?” “Sure.” That’s rainbows and butterflies in that situation, but that is what happened legit to a friend, then that person’s planning parties and making good money having fun planning parties.
It’s a perfect example because I believe that’s a true example of a window. That here she did something. How well she did it was noticed. The person opened a slight window and your friend could have shut it down and said, “I’m not going to do that,” but instead, she said, “I’m going to open that window and climb through it.” That’s manifesting. She had to do the work, believe in herself and have that little nudge sometimes from the universe. I believe that life tends to offer us those little nudges. If we don’t say no to them and we prop open that window, climb through it and see what’s on the other side, there’s, generally, if not the perfect fit, something wonderful that might lead you to the next window or door.
You got a lot of yourself to be surprised. Wanting a better job or more money isn’t specific. It’s general. Why do you want a better job or more money? What does more money give you? So I don’t have to stress. What is not stressing give you? Keep asking the questions. It’s always going to come back to, “It makes me feel good,” sentence always. I truly believe that. No matter how far you dig, “I want a healthy relationship.” “Why?” “It’s because I don’t want to argue.” “Why don’t you want to argue?” “It’s because it makes me feel bad when I argue.” “Why don’t you want to feel bad?” “It’s because I want to feel good.” I believe it comes down to that. The more you find feeling good in your life, the more you’re closer to your goals.
That is why there are many people with fancy cars, big houses and lots of money in the bank who are unhappy because if money and success were the answer, there would be no mental health issues for the moon people who had a high bank account balance. In fact, there are a lot of mental health issues. Research shows that we need enough money so that we’re not stressed by the lack of money but a good paying job in and of itself, and I love the direction you took that, instead, it’s not about the good paying job as the end goal.
If you’re doing something that makes you happy and it’s enjoyable, you’re going to blossom and you will generally have more income because you’re doing something you love. Let’s pivot now to relationships. This individual had a question about having manifesting, wanting to manifest to a healthy relationship. One of my specialties is helping people build healthy relationships. Many of us weren’t raised in perfect households with perfect mom and dad. We may not have had a good model for manifesting a healthy relationship. Even if we did have a good enough childhood, we’re still working with other individuals who have their own imperfections. For someone to think, “I can sit here and look at a dating app, walk down the street or go to church and meet someone, who knows whatever for him it is?” Manifesting a healthy relationship is easy.
I am blessed that I did not have to do dating apps. I’m in a twenty-year relationship. My mom was married four times. My father was married three times. I can definitely identify with people not seeing the perfect relationship. There is no perfect relationship, first of all. The relationship growing up that I saw that is, first of all, important to have is a vision of what that’s going to make you feel like. Not what it looks like, but what makes you feel like.
Don’t imagine walking in a park holding somebody’s hand and he picks a flower for you. You can do that. That’s fun because my guys sometimes pick a weed, but it’s more about what it’s going to feel like. When I was a kid, I would say with my uncle, who had been together for 50 years and my aunt passed. One thing my aunt told me about having a healthy relationship and was the only quote about healthy relationships I saw growing up was, “It should make your life easier, not harder.” It always stuck by me. It’s not always going to be easy, but it should make your life easier and more fun. When I looked at a relationship and what I wanted, the person I had been with for twenty years was my first boyfriend.
We have the same birthday. It’s a little cosmic and ridiculous, but I knew when I was dating in New York and Angeles right away that it didn’t make me feel good with these certain people. I dated a billionaire with a private jet and I was like, “This doesn’t make me feel good.” I dated somebody who was super judgy. I was like, “That doesn’t make me feel good,” but when I was with Owen immediately, I was like, “I’m laughing. I feel good. I want to be better,” and then it rolled from that.
The second piece of advice that my aunt gave me was, “You don’t always have to be right.” Let go of being right because I think a lot of people will go on a date with these things, and I’ve seen this with a lot of my friends who are older and going on dates, they were like, “He thinks this. That’s wrong, so I can’t be with him.” You’re never going to agree on everything. If you let go for a second of being right, you don’t have to be right, then there won’t be arguing or tension, as much at least. I don’t have an answer. I don’t know how to navigate those dating apps. I don’t know where to find Prince Charming or Princess. I know that people need to be open when they are meeting people and focus more on how it makes them feel and not on how it looks.You don't always have to be right, so let go of being right. Click To Tweet
My third book, Date Smart: Transform Your Relationships And Love Fearlessly, is about what you’re saying. Going first to your internal world and saying, “Who am I? What do I have to offer in a relationship? Do I want a relationship? If so, what do I want to bring into my world?” there are some externalities that are important. We might have certain things we want somebody to be aligned with us on or look a certain way, but what’s most important is showing up as your authentic self.
The other person showing up is their authentic self. Seeing how it feels, “Is this a good fit? Are we aligned in enough ways with our values and morals, having fun together and exploring life together?” We often think a relationship should be perfect. As you were saying, there’s no such thing as perfect people or perfect relationships, but a healthy relationship, which is what this reader is asking for, that is something that you can craft with mindfulness.
I loved your examples, “No of the billionaire, that wasn’t a good fit. No to this, that’s not a good fit.” Some of it is looking and saying, “What feels right to me? Let go of the superficial pieces. A private jet is not going to make me happy.” What’s going to make you happy is someone who makes you laugh, who gets you, authentic, creative like you and all of these important things that make you both radiate with joy as much as possible.
The feeling of being on a team. What I always tell people is, “You’ve got a teammate with everything.” I do have a lot of friends who are older, single and they’re awesome. They are my friends for many years. They want that team spirit because when you’re young and in your twenties, then it’s about something else. You feel about something else. As you get older and I think you are looking for someone to go on this journey with, looks fade. Money can come. What is always there is the core of who you’re with.
People get sick. Things happen. It’s that core of that human that everybody wants that connection. There are people who are looking. The success stories that I have found in my friends who have come from everywhere, from friends knowing somebody who’s introduced them to dating apps to one friend met someone at a coffee shop. That still happens. It’s just being open. First, she was like, “Why are you talking to me?” He made her laugh and she was like, “That felt good. You can sit here.” She dated a lot of good-looking guys or whatever and this guy made her laugh. That feels good, then all of a sudden, she’s like, “He’s sexy. He’s funny.” I’m like, “What?”
I love the point that you’re making about we often get caught up when we’re thinking about manifesting in superficial characteristics, externalities and the material world. I believe we are maybe as a world but certainly as humans being asked to shed some of that and to see life and people for their soul and their heart quality because that’s what’s lasting.
What’s lasting is how someone shows up on the planet as a human. Are they kind, compassionate, respectful or someone who’s willing to be a team member? That is a peace in my book The Joy Of Imperfect Love. That is a core component of that book on relationships because we get that we need teamwork in business relationships. Why do we think that a healthy intimate relationship does not require that same, if more so, than work relationships? We need a partner for a healthy relationship. We need a partner who is going to be on our team and we are going to be on their team. We are both on the team of the relationship. That is the core. For our reader who wrote in saying, “How do I create a healthy relationship?” First, do you want or do you have the capacity to be a team?
The key is that you don’t join a team. You’re not going to get picked for the softball team unless you practice. You have to be able to swing a bat, run your little bases and fit in the cute little jersey or whatever to be on the cute softball team. It’s the same as the relationship. Don’t come from a place where you need someone to fix you. You need someone to make you better because that’s not the place you start from. You have to be able to be a team player first before you can be on a team or else you’re going to lose.
That’s why people lose. They pick the wrong teammate because they don’t even know what sport they’re playing. If you’re doing metaphorland here, then the work to manifesting, if you’re single, specifically is to make sure you are whole. You are a capable player, then you step on the playing field and then you find somebody who can play the same sport as you as well. Bring something a little different. Maybe you’re a good batter, pitcher or whatever. You got that, and then if you’re in a relationship, that’s why counseling is important because if you’re playing the same sport, you still can work on stuff and learn to play together again.
One of my taglines for this show and it comes from the book The Joy Of Imperfect Love, is, “You do not need to love yourself perfectly to love others well because we are all, for let’s hope for the rest of our lives, continuing to evolve, be better humans, partners and at loving people.” We don’t want to try to manifest somebody who’s going to come in and make our lives perfect or ideal. We want to be able to be working on ourselves and show up for someone else who wants to be working on themselves.
You talked about the power of manifesting. We have two beautifully imperfect human beings who are working to evolve. They come together and say, “Let’s create this third entity, this relationship and make that grow in all.” That is the art of manifesting. You are taking that wonderful energy and making it so much bigger and more beautiful. Is that sound like your idea of a healthy relationship?
I think so. I’m pretty proud of my relationship. We have fun. We create together. We make movies together. I was at his gig. He supports me. He’s putting me on tape for an audition. It’s a team. Genuinely, I feel like I’m playing a sport, and it’s fun. Life is a great big ball game. It’s hard to know the answer to anything except genuinely try to not judge yourself and to allow yourself to be joyful, feel good and that will attract what you want. I believe that.
I saw it happen with me. I had to shift. I had to let go of an idea of what a perfect relationship would look like. Let go of the idea of what a successful actress looked like. I’m glad you’re talking to me about this because I do well, but I’m not in a palace. I always get annoyed when people do these. It’s like, “The Academy Award-winning actress talking about how to be successful.” She’s in the 0.01% of actors. There’s nothing she can say that’s going to make me an Academy Award-winning actor. I have manifested everything that I have. It all came because of the way I shifted completely.
It’s interesting the part about you have such magical energy and radiant, yet isn’t it interesting that the idea of being an Academy Award-winning actress because I’ve seen you in a variety of situations and in films. You are magical. It never even dawns on me, “Is she Academy Award-winning or not?” I don’t even think that way. I was like, “Jessica will be on my show. She’s amazing.” We want to strip away those ridiculous, how did someone get to be an Academy Award-winning actress? You might know someone who knows someone. You might have been in the right place at the right time, but it doesn’t reflect the caliber of your humanity.
Pivoting to your relationship with your wonderful sweetheart. Somebody might from the outside go, “It’s all roses, this and that,” yet I know that because we’ve talked that and I’ve talked to your sweetheart that, there is much that’s not easy. It gives me chills and tears, the easy part is how much you love each other because it’s such an obvious, wholehearted, soulful connection. That is what makes the tough stuff easier. That is the manifesting where there is love. I truly believe that makes magic.
I think with manifesting, let go of little things and focus on the big things. Don’t worry about the little tiny itty bitty things like, “He doesn’t drive a good car. I don’t know he did this thing and he didn’t text me right away. If he’s not going to text me back right away, then that’s not the person for me.” Let go of the little things and focus on the big picture. Don’t ignore behavior. My mom was a psychotherapist, “Do not ignore behavior.” Do look at the the big picture and generally how it’s going to make you feel and grow because you’re not going to be the same person in the beginning of a relationship as you are in twenty years. You grow and change.With manifesting, you let go of the little things and focus on the big things. Click To Tweet
You have to. If I was the same way I was when I was 26, it would be very odd. I would still be crying about not getting a part or something. You shift, adjust and grow. Anybody can do that with the smallest little thing to however big your dreams are, you can start. I truly think you let go of the small things and you open up to the big. Don’t think about the audition. Think about living a creative life. Don’t think about that one day.
Think about a life with somebody. That is a better way of going through life. Don’t think about that mean person in line at the grocery store. Think about the fact that you have food on your table. All of that is going to manifest more good stuff to you because you’re not no longer holding a tiny little cup saying, “This is what I want. Why isn’t that full?” You can only catch much rainwater in that. You have a huge swimming pool and you’re like, “I’ll take. Come on.”
You naturally took us to our last piece. I believe that we can manifest excellent, good and lovely things and negative things. Manifesting is energy. If we’re looking at this tiny little cup and saying, “I want only this and this little cup. This is the only thing that will make me happy.” That’s a dark, small little cup and very little can is going to work to fill that up. Let’s stay for a tiny little cup and not go back to the swimming pool. How can we get dark? How can we notice when we’re manifesting negative things?
You won’t feel good. You’re going to be anxious. There are two things. There’s anxiety and depression that are chemical and actual things that I first hand understand, but there’s also anxiety and depression that’s coming from where you’re putting your focus. That’s what I’m talking about. I’m not talking other kind. I’m talking about basically the walking well kind. If you’re focusing only on the tiny cup, which you’re not focusing on the tiny cup because it’s full. You’re focusing on the tiny cup because it’s empty.
If you’re focusing on the empty, small, tiny cup, you’re not seeing anything else around you. You sometimes have to go through the feelings of it. You have to sometimes mourn the loss of your tiny, little, empty cup. You have to say to yourself, in my situation, at some point, “I’m getting older. Maybe I’m not going to win that award,” or whatever. If you start to let go of that and say, “I’m going to start looking outside. That’s scary. I’m going back to my tiny cup. That didn’t feel good. That was scary,” but if you start looking outside of the tiny cup and finding the other things around you, you start making it bigger.If you're focusing on the empty, tiny cup, you're not seeing anything else around you. Click To Tweet
Maybe it’s a tiny cup and all of a sudden, you got a mug. You’re like, “I still want that.” It doesn’t change that you want that success, beautiful house on the hill or you want your kids to go to Harvard or whatever it is. It doesn’t change that. It’s just bigger now. Now, there’s room for more stuff, and then you’re like, “Now I have a mug. I’ve got the Academy Award. They’re still a dream of mine. I’m not letting that go.” Also, I have like, “Writing makes me feel good. When I write, I feel creative. That’s nice. What else can I do? Now, I’ve got a bowl. I’m in the bowl. That feels a little nerve-racking, but I’m going to try and see what else can go into this bowl.”
You start building it out. It doesn’t mean you’re losing, “I want the love of my life. I want $1 million.” You’re making it bigger. It’s going to allow more things and there will be small little things like, “This is cool. That client of mine got her book published. That’s awesome.” It makes you feel good because you have a bigger bowl. There are more things that can fit in there to make you feel good, but if you have a tiny little cup, that negative little thing that’s this thing and it can even be feeling like, “I’m not worthy of love. I’m not talented enough. I’m not smart enough. I’m not pretty or skinny enough,” the list that women go through.
The bigger and bigger you make it, the more you’re going to feel good because all of a sudden you’re not focusing on that tiny little thing you don’t have. You got all this room for all this other stuff. It’s like falling from the sky. The rain is pouring and you’re like, “This feels good.” It’s a silly metaphor, but it is how I see things. Eventually, you are like, “I’m in a swimming pool. I’m not even at the ocean. I’m not even at a lake yet. I’m still working on that, but I do feel good in my swimming pool.”
I love your metaphor. It’s perfect and beautiful because it’s something we can all connect with. We can all work a little bit more to open our hearts a little bit more. Magic happens over time. That takes us back almost to where we started when we trust in ourselves, do our work, believe in ourselves and watch where we put our focus. Are we focusing on the flowers in the garden or that one weed?
Are we focusing on a partner who has gorgeous energy and a great laugh or the fact that he drives a slightly bit of a beat-up pickup truck? It doesn’t doesn’t matter. What matters is whether a person is of good quality. What are we focusing on? If we have people in our lives who are good, kind, compassionate, all of those things and we have a job that is bringing us joy, and we are reaching to continue to evolve in our friendships, romantic relationships or our work life, then we keep manifesting because we keep allowing the evolution, which goes back to your swimming pool that becomes a lake and ocean. Open it up. I can feel that energy where you’re saying, “Keep opening it up and see what comes while you’re doing the work underneath yourself.”
There’s nothing wrong with having a tiny cup. You’re worthy.
Going back to that negativity piece. If we have negative energy or thoughts, “I’m not good enough. I’m not worthy,” you’re good enough and worthy. Whatever those voices came from, your childhood, a negative partner or something, you are worthy. The universe and world need your energy to come alive, as only you can make it come alive. Only you can do that. The universe deserves to have you show up, radiate and live in joy and fulfillment. Sometimes, sadness and anger.
You said your friends said, “I shouldn’t get angry as a mom,” and all the emotions. You handle them properly and appropriately. The art of manifesting is allowing things to come and letting go of that which doesn’t serve us, then drawing in more and letting go of that which doesn’t serve us. I mean, serve us in the kindest of ways not saying using people, but if we’re embracing that which allows us to be better more loving people and letting go of that which doesn’t, we know we’re on the right path.
The other little thing I wanted to say is you’re not alone in your pool. You have a lot of other people playing in there with you. See who those people are. They’re doing their pool. That is one big pool and you’re all playing in it. When you do feel yourself sinking, reach up and find someone to lift you up. I don’t want you to think like you’re alone and manifesting because you’re not. Generally speaking, there’s a whole bunch of us out there who want everyone to succeed and believe everyone should have abundance.
This is a quick little story. I have a close friend who lost her agent manager. She has more credits than me. She’s been a series regular on big TV shows. She’s wicked talented. She is definitely my type. We will be in competition. She asked me for help. There was this moment where I was like, “If I introduce her to my agent, I’m setting up my own competition,” but then I stepped back and I was like, “No, there’s a big pool here. There’s a huge swimming pool. We both can play. I’m coming from where I know it’s going to make me feel good. What’s going to make me feel good is to see her successful.”
I introduced her to my agent. They love each other. They’re going to probably work together. The way I see it is if the part is mine, it’s mine and if it’s hers, it’s hers. That is a huge shift in me from my twenties. That took work and splashing around. You’re not alone in your manifesting. People think they have to go in a corner and meditate with the candle. You don’t have to do that.
Thank you for that piece it takes us back to what you were saying in the beginning. There’s enough for everyone. When we get into the idea that we’re competing with other people like, “I can’t help a fellow author. I can’t help a fellow psychologist.” We’re going to be saying, “Who can I help? Where can I show up? What can I do?” How many times can we say yes to other people and to love? How many times can we say, “Yes, come play in my pool. You are welcome in my pool any time. We’re in the same pool or ocean.” Thank you so much for sharing your brilliance, time, warmth and energy. Where can our readers find you?
They can find me on Instagram @JessicaLancasterLA. I respond all DMs. They can find my movies on Amazon. The Holy Fail is one and Choosing Signs is another.
Both of those are excellent.
We’re in post-production with our third. That’ll be coming.
What’s the title of that one?
It’s going to be called A Lesser Gift. It’s by the brilliant, Owen Dara. It’s good. I’m proud of it. I get to play the fun, kooky character that comes in and starts to mess things up for him. They’re Irish film. if you like Ireland, you are going to love them.
I can’t wait for that one. The other two are splendid.
Talk about manifesting. You certainly have done such a good job. I can’t wait to continue to watch your evolution. It’s such a joy. Thank you. I’m grateful for our time.
Readers, thank you for joining us.
- Jessica Lancaster
- The Secret
- Date Smart: Transform Your Relationships And Love Fearlessly
- The Joy Of Imperfect Love
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About Jessica Lancaster
Jessica Lancaster, actor and producer, is best known for her roles in The Holy Fail (2019), Choosing Signs (2013) and CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (2000). Jessica’s next movie, “A Lesser Gift,” is due out in 2024. A performer at heart, Jessica graduated with a BFA in acting from The North Carolina School of the Arts.
She has worked in theatres across the United States and has played leading roles at The Shakespeare Theatre in D.C., the Tony award-winning Cincinnati Playhouse, and The Swine Palace in Louisiana. She has appeared in T.V. shows such as “Medium”, “Law and Order, SVU”, “CSI” and recently co-starred opposite Christian Slater in “The Forgotten.”
She has had leading roles in over a dozen films and has also starred in and produced a TV pilot and three feature films, two of which are currently in postproduction. She received a “Best Actress” Award at the Laughlin International Film Festival 2013 for her role as Jennifer in the feature film “Choosing Signs.” She recently starred in the virtual reality film “ Knives” which was accepted to the Toronto International Film festival 2016, and is also being sold to HULU. A master in the art of manifesting, Jessica lives the life of her dreams!